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California Democrats have fulfilled what Lardass Republicans have only dreamt about for decades: setting the stage for burning it all down. While the GOP has long been accused of ignoring climate change, it appears their laissez-faire attitude was merely paving the way for California Democrats. Lardass is already in his element, dishing out criticisms without…
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Lardass Proposes A Bold New Plan for Rebuilding Palisades, CA — President Lardass has proposed to offer the scenic coastal town of Palisades to Palestine as a “generous gift” for rebuilding efforts after the recent wildfires that swept through Los Angeles. “We’re talking about prime real estate, folks,” Lardass announced at a hastily arranged press…
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In a world teeming with social complexities, where the nuances of human interaction have become as tangled as a pair of earbuds left in a pocket, we find a group of brave warriors fighting the good fight against the insidious plague known as “wokeism.” These are not just your average middle-aged white men; no, they…
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President Lardass’s notorious trolling and inflammatory rhetoric have seemingly lost their power to incite mass hysteria. Once the epicenter of political discord and internet outrage, Lardass’s antics now elicit little more than a collective shrug from the American public. It appears that Lardass Derangement Syndrome (LDS) sufferers and Lardass voters have miraculously united in a…
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McDonald’s helped Lardass get elected by letting him serve french fries. Lardass may dismantle Obamacare, leaving even more Americans sick and dying. The rich ass United Health Care Shooter, who fancied himself a warrior against the horrors of American health care, was caught red-handed—and hash brown-mouthed. His manifesto might have been compelling, but the allure…
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Despite Expert Speculations on Moves, Mood, and Motive, the Killer Is Still at Large In a groundbreaking display of modern journalism, a CNN panel of expert talking heads has spent the last 72 hours dissecting every conceivable angle of the recent murder of United Healthcare’s CEO. Despite their rigorous speculation, they have yet to solve…
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By Joe Fotalattee Special counsel Jack Smith announced this week that he would be dropping the criminal cases against Lardass. Smith’s decision has been lauded as yet another victory for the skills that have become synonymous with Lardass’s unique brand of sociopathy: lying, name-calling, and demonetization of federal employees. Lardass’s tactics had effortlessly outmaneuvered due…
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By Joe Fotalattee Fox News has uncovered a groundbreaking new theory connecting President Joe Biden to every minor offense committed by individuals of a certain complexion. The fast-paced reporting suggested that “Biden’s policies,” which very few seem to understand, have somehow made it acceptable for brown individuals across America to engage in a variety of…
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By:Joe Fotalattee Washington D.C. – In a stunning display of journalistic prowess, CNN’s chief white house correspondent, Jim Acosta, has unveiled a transformative reporting style marked by dramatic pauses, expressive eyebrow raises, and a deep voice to grab your attention like Barry White to your mom. The award-winning journalist, renowned for his flair for the…
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This is why humanity has given up and voted Lardass. By: Joe Fotalattee Jerusalem – In a historic press conference held in a lavishly decorated conference room adorned with the broken dreams of peace, CNN proudly announced an “almost ceasefire” agreement between Israel and Palestine for the 100th time. “This time, it’s different,” proclaimed CNN…
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