Washington, D.C. – President Lardass announced today that he will personally review all 55 million visa applications currently pending in the United States to consider those applicants who are hotties of European origin. Those who meet his stringent beauty standards, modeled after his daughter Ivanka and wife Melania, will be granted entry. Immigration advisor Stephen Miller has also requested the consideration of a “Barron Twink Policy” for his personal review of young men who are as smooth as his giant, bald, alien-like head, which itself has more than a few screws loose.

“I would date my daughter, so why not let hotties like Ivanka in?” Lardass declared during a press conference, flanked by a team of stylists and a life-sized cutout of his daughter. “If they’re not as hot as Ivanka or Melania, what’s the point? We need to keep the standards high!”

“We respect the president’s right to have preferences, but this is a bit much,” said the Prime Minister of Canada, who added that he would be sending over a team of “hot” diplomats to negotiate a new trade deal.

Several countries have begun to offer visa beauty boot camps for their citizens hoping to gain entry into the U.S.

May Chin, China’s Secretary of Visas and Mosquito Control, announced, “We’re launching a new line of products specifically designed to help applicants meet the Lardass standard.” According to the plan, each lipstick purchased by visa applicants will come with a briefcase filled with cash and a presidential pardon request. The $10,000 visa fee will be billed separately.