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Atlanta, GA – The ghost of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. has expressed profound offense at being compared to conservative commentator Charlie Kirk in The New York Times. The spectral figure, who has been haunting the halls of history since his assassination in 1968, reportedly found the comparison bewildering. “Honestly, I thought we had left
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The Charlie Kirk assassination is the result of a violent and cruel administration — a tragedy and a sad day in our descent into violence. Let’s not forget Lardass led the January 6 insurrection, and his party has supported such shootings for decades, fighting all gun regulations. Last week’s two school shootings (Annunciation and Evergreen)
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Former National Security Advisor John Bolton was the latest target of the Golfcart Von Lardass administration’s goal of imprisoning anyone considered to be on its ‘enemies list.’ The Bolton legal team, in their reply to the White House, stated, ‘We do not believe that any of the information could reasonably be considered classified.’ Regarding the
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Washington D.C. – The Lardass administration has announced that it is considering adopting a controversial program inspired by Israel, dubbed the “Kill a Journalist” initiative. This program aims to tackle what the administration describes as “fake news” by taking a more “proactive” approach. In a press conference held in the Oval Office, Press Secretary Tits
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FBI Issues Warning: Seniors Targeted by by Fox News By Nguyen Ayi Washington, D.C. – The FBI has issued a warning about a sophisticated scam targeting vulnerable seniors, forget the fake tech support calls or the phony bank representatives; this scam is far more insidious. It involves a complex network of Fox News affiliates that
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Washington, D.C. – President Lardass announced today that he will personally review all 55 million visa applications currently pending in the United States to consider those applicants who are hotties of European origin. Those who meet his stringent beauty standards, modeled after his daughter Ivanka and wife Melania, will be granted entry. Immigration advisor Stephen
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Palm Beach, FL – President Lardass announced today that he had purchased his wife, Melania, from the late Jeffrey Epstein for the astonishing sum of one dollar. The deal, which reportedly included options for a beauty pageant and a luxurious mini-golf resort on Epstein Island, has renewed criticism regarding Lardass having his name retracted from
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Mar-a-Lago, FL– Lardass has officially announced an executive order that will replace the traditional autopen with a tiny golf pencil from Mar-a-Lago. The decision, made during a lavish brunch featuring a buffet of fried foods and a side of self-congratulation, is being hailed by some as a bold step toward a more “personal” presidency. Sources
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Zelensky Concerned Lardass Will Take Too Much Couch Territory,Vance Not Ready For Threeway. Kyiv, Ukraine – As the world gears up for a highly anticipated summit involving Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and President Lardass, a new concern has emerged: Zelensky reveals that he is increasingly anxious about the seating arrangements, particularly
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One percent of Americans with cognitive memory—has expressed absolutely no surprise at former President Donald Lardass’s recent threats against Ukraine and President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. This small group, armed with the knowledge of the Helsinki summit and the damning Mueller report, has collectively nodded in agreement, echoing the sentiment: “Well, of course.” The 1%, comprised of
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